Let’s talk about contraception

Let's talk about contraception

If there is one thing that all girls need or will experience at some point, is contraception. We will all be in the market for it at a certain point in life. From the method of withdrawal practiced by our ancestors to the last generations of pills through our beloved condoms, contraception has been part of our lives (us, ladies) for centuries. And yet, when I look at our options, despite the plethora of possibilities, I can’t figure out one that suits me perfectly. So, I thought, in the month of love, let’s talk about contraception because after all, sex is part of a healthy lifestyle. Here is the list of available contraceptive methods with my take on it or reason for lack of experience.

The Pill

It is a great option if you don’t mind stuffing your body with hormones, gaining weight and riding life on mood swings. It is also great because it is 99 % effective. Well, that’s theoretically, because in real life the success rate is 91 %. My question is: who can remember to take the pill at 9.45pm every damn day and always have it nearby at that time?

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The implant

Gives you 3 years of protection, peace of mind and a lot of surprise periods. Not like your period comes with a gift, it’s more like a surprise effect, “we are here a week earlier, you’re welcome!”

The shot

It sounds cool like that. I like shot, it sounds like a party. Well, it’s not, except for the mess it creates in your system. It is often pointed out as making it more difficult to have babies afterward.

The ring

Sounds create if you have no sex life, otherwise why on earth would you put a ring on the inside. The ring is supposed to be on Mr. and vibrating, please. You probably heard of someone losing it while skiing, surfing or just going around. It’s not all urban legend. I actually know of a girl who felt it popped out during her yoga class while doing the happy baby pose. Oops!

The hormonal IUD

Hello, extra kilo. Otherwise sounds great. Seriously considering it now that we have newer options like Skyla and Keelena

The copper IUD

Say Hi to Niagara Falls. Expect to bleed, a lot, and suffer from pre-menstrual cramp, a lot. Pictures yourself on the bathroom floor, a hot bottle on the stomach for few hours every month. But if you can deal with that, it’s mechanical, it’s non-hormonal, it’s definitely not bad. You will bleed a lot, suffer a bit but hey, you won’t be poisoning your body and rivers with hormones.

The patch

I honestly don’t know who came up with the idea, nor do I know anyone on it. All I can think about is: would it survive a good sweat out session? A hot steamy shower? A week of beach holidays? Do you want to have a sticker on your body 3 weeks every month? How about a dog collar then? …

The withdrawal or pull out method

Better than nothing. But easier said than done. Basically, you rely on a dude being able to predict when he's going to ejaculate and fully evacuating the area before he does so. As I said, easier said than done.

The fertility awareness

This one is bit gross and only 88 % effective. But I know of friends who have practiced it for years successfully. The principle is yum:  You have to check your cervical mucus and temperature on a daily basis... And that’s if you have an idea what your menstrual cycles look like aka not me who’s always been on contraceptive and have no clue what my regular cycle is (is that too much information?). it seems important to remind you at that point if you are considering it that little swimmers can survive up to 6 days after sex. it doesn’t give you a lot of days to enjoy sex with peace of mind.

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The Diaphragm and other barrier methods

(the cap, the spermicide, the sponge)
I stop listening to these options after the doc said:" we will proceed to a fit test first, and then train you on insertion and positioning". No thank you

The condom

The good old condom. While once in a relationship, we like to give up on it. The condom has a high effectiveness rate and protects us against STI’s. Stick to it until your committed and tested.

Abstinence

Ever considered ceasing sexual activity altogether? Practicing abstinence is one birth control option that can’t fail. Some people practice periodic abstinence, just sayin’.

If you’ve got your arms full of babies or don’t want to come close to holding a baby like never ever. There are 2 options left for you or your partner:

The vasectomy

Tired of holding all the pregnancy-prevention responsibilities as a woman? If you’re done having children, you might consider sending your husband to the doctor. Vasectomy is a simple procedure: Through a tiny incision, a doctor closes the tubes that carry a man’s sperm, preventing them from leaving his body. That’s it! They won’t even spend a day in the hospital.

The Tubal Ligation

also known as female sterilization or having your “tubes tied.” It is a permanent birth control option that doesn’t mess up with your hormones. The bonus is, it also lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.

Before the feminist come scream at my door, yes, I know, contraception helped the emancipation of our mothers and grandmothers. It is also helping a lot of women fighting hormonal imbalance and diseases such as endometriosis. I am not against it at all, I’m just saying it takes a lot of time, science experiments rigmarole, trials of hormones combination, errors, and visits to your doctor to find yours.  Meanwhile, guys simply meander around an aisle of colorful condom packages, pluck whichever one they think looks best off the shelf, and call it a day. It doesn’t seem fair and I simply can’t find a suitable one. One that doesn’t mess with my hormone, my weight, my skin, my blood flow, my menstrual pain, or my sex life.

And you, have you found one your content with? Do you have any good story you would like to share?

Disclaimer: Please do note that this article reflects my opinion and experiences (or close friend’s experience only). I am in no way a medical professional and you should meet with your doc to discuss what plan is best for you.

xoxo, Alex

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9 comments

  1. Interesting article. I highly recommend you reading “Taking Charge of Your Fertility” to get a better understanding of your cycle and the Fertility Awareness Method. It’s very easy, it just takes a bit of learning. And once you know more about your cycle you learn that your body is truly an amazing thing. 🙂

    1. Hi Kate,
      Thanks for your input. I must say I am actually considering the Fertility Awareness Method, as I am not sure I want to keep putting hormones into my body. But it is bit scary, what if I make a mistake. Definitely not ready for baby number 2.
      Love,
      Alex

  2. Great to inform the ladies about all the options available. We don’t always know what options there are and cannot always keep up with how science is changes and the new developments they have. Good thought on sharing the side effects also on each of them. Enjoyed the post

    1. Thanks Chantelle,
      I’d like to say though that this post is not informative. This rant was just a way to express my annoyment. I have been switching options for the past 6 months, and I’m a bit tired of not finding one that suits me. There are however a handful of contraceptive method options, and it’s always good to have a reminders that there is more than just the Pill.
      Cheers,
      Alex

  3. Thanks for this comprehensive summary! My doctor told me that the pill can be taken within a window like a morning or evening. But the gain of weight is a bit annoying. I heard that changing the pill would help. But thank you, I feel I now have a list of possible alternatives!

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